Finding Sustainable Happiness in Challenging Times
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder." ~ Henry David Thoreau
On this day, eight years ago, I was invited to be a presenter on a tele-summit with the theme: happiness. I was comfortable with this topic; it was a focus throughout my life, searching for the silver lining in all situations and navigating with perseverance when the thread wasn't readily apparent. Despite being raised by a financially challenged, depressed single mom, she exposed me to a wide range of philosophies in her search for happiness. Unfortunately, my mother passed away, never able to hold on to true joy for herself, but her search provided me the tools and the insights to discover my own meaning of happiness.
So, what is happiness, and why do we have a day dedicated to it globally?
Positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as "the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one's life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile." And if you were to browse through Facebook, you might get the impression from the smiling selfies and picture-perfect meals that most of your friends live in a such blissful state of happiness.
Happiness shows up differently for everyone. Many people convince themselves that a variety of things will bring them happiness: regular vacations, losing weight, making a million dollars, or finding the perfect partner. For my mother, it was the perfect kitchen. She tortured my stepfather, moving 12 times in 18 years, searching for a more efficient, expansive kitchen, confident that it would bring her "happiness."
Is there a difference between personal happiness and collective happiness? Many argue that by first creating a state of contentment within ourselves, we can effect change in the world around us. So, let's look at that. What are the benefits of generating a state of joy in our individual lives? Experts and studies have found that happy people are less likely to get sick and live longer. In addition, happy people tend to have more fulfilling relationships overall. They are more productive, generous, and cope with challenges more effectively.
According to Positive Psychology, "...unless we make our own happiness a priority, we won't be equipped to care for the happiness of others. When we are happy, we tend to bring forth the best of ourselves and positively affect those around us." So, it would seem that pursuing personal happiness can ripple out to those around us and potentially create a positive atmosphere throughout our social groups and beyond.
While it may not be immediately apparent, we often impact people's lives without ever even knowing. I experienced this first-hand years ago as I prepared for a yearly trek with my seven dear friends, The Adventure Girls. One day a curious Facebook message landed in my inbox from a woman I met only once, almost four years prior. The message read: Hello Heidi, I lost my boyfriend Aaron this week. He died suddenly, and several of your updates have oddly screamed out about him. Your Anais Nin quote, he introduced me to her writing, and your status about listening to your body… it all correlates to him. Thank you for sharing; it's making a difference for me right now. I know we haven't been in touch, but I wanted you to know that you've helped me. Have a safe trip. I know people come into our lives for a reason, and we're connected for reasons unknown. My boyfriend and I were always laughing together; please send your laughter up to the heavens for him; it would mean the world to me.
We just never know.
So how can the pursuit of happiness remain relevant to each of us as individuals and as citizens of the world after the experiences of the last few years? How can we remain cheerful and resilient in the face of tragedy and adversity?
Perhaps you watched or heard about the Ukrainian rock band, Selo I Ludy: three guys live streaming their music from a bomb shelter in the besieged city of Kharkiv, singing their national folk songs and 90s New Romantic covers. The bandleader’s house was destroyed early in the invasion after which they moved into the bunker and started playing for their fellow country men and women and to the world.
Or did you see the refugee camp volunteers on the Romanian border throwing an impromptu birthday party for a 7-year-old Ukrainian girl?
Bravery, generosity of spirit, kindness. These are things that inspire joy in us all, both when we initiate or witness them.
Those of us who are still warm, and well fed can always find so many things to be grateful for. Nurturing that gratitude provides the soil in which a selfless, expansive happiness can grow.
As a little happiness footnote: Peter and Heidi met on that very same tele-summit eight years ago while living on two different continents… Happy Days!